I need to get away from this feeling,
this overwhelming crisis of self -
stuck in between dreams, past and present
somewhere a few avenues beyond help.
The only thing I know for sure,
is that I have no fucking clue.
Everyone telling me what they think
though no one can tell me what to do.
I tried buying my way out of it,
selling my soul, time, and age-
giving up on finding myself
for a salary well above minimum wage.
Whether this is what I wanted,
or an act of necessity - I can’t really tell.
Wants and needs got blurred along the way,
I’ll find out when I reach hell.
I know they’ll call me crazy
when I pass up another opportunity –
that I don’t know what’s good when I have it.
But they don’t know what this will do to me.
For god’s sake, I need room to breathe
I’m only the younger end of twenty.
My path should be mapped by trial and error,
not by finding safety in money.
I fear that if I go through with it,
if I sign my name on the line,
everything I was supposed to be
will never get to be mine.
And though I have questioned God
I have never doubted his plans for me.
I’m not meant to live by the traditional -
with every scar I’ve earned that’s plain to see.